What does a Woman Want?

Dear men,

What does a woman want?

A classic question, isn’t it? 😀

You often complain about failing to understand what does a woman desire to be happy in spite of her having everything that you provide. I received multiple answers to this question in a single day all from Indian women of different generations. 🙂

It was the day when I went to see my 88 years old granny. I let her speak mostly and listened to her. While unwrapping her old sweet memories she mentioned that she was married off at a tender age of 14. Her parents fixed her marriage with my grandpa, who was then 22, working with a government job and hence the most eligible groom of that time. She said that she had seen my grandpa first on the day of their wedding. :O That was quite surprising to me. I asked her how come was she okay with that then she laughed and said, “Those days women were considered negligible creatures. They were not even privileged to wear foot ware.. Also it was then widely accepted for the bride to not to see her groom before their wedding. Your grandpa did not have bad vices to waste the money on. Ultimately it is always important for a man to be able to provide for his family than how he looked.”

My homemaker granny was mostly depending on grandpa for major expenses. He was the sole decision maker though she extended her hand to increase their wealth in her own capacity. In spite of having less rights, granny was happy with my grandpa.

After a couple of hours I took her leave and went to my maiden place. Granny’s life story and her approach to look at her life partner was on my mind for quite some time.

I asked my mother what did she want from her man; my father? She replied that she looked for a happy life with a man without bad vices and enough income to care for his family. It was 1970’s when my mother had started earning before her marriage. Hence she also wanted my father to let her continue with her job. She further said that she looked for the words of appreciation from him for her hard work and ability to manage all the relations of her in-law’s side. (Most Indian women’s worthiness was then measured on the criteria of their ability to work for the wellness and happiness of their husbands’ relatives. In the bargain if she had to overlook her health or emotional well-being, she was considered as the most dedicated and family-oriented woman. This criteria is present in a large number of Indian families even now.)

Then I saw my friend, who came to visit me at my mom’s place. She is a creative business entrepreneur. We talked on our own perspectives of what do we women want from our men?

The more we discussed, the more we realized that creating resources for one’s partner and children is an outdated measure of a man’s worthiness. These days the man and the woman both can earn and multiply their wealth together. Today’s woman doesn’t want you to provide her resources. She can earn them for herself and for multiplying the family’s wealth. She needs you to provide her a few intangible things:

Presence. She needs you to be present with all your mind and attention; preferably making an eye contact when you communicate with her. In order to to connect to emotionally it is important for her that you pay mindful attention to what she says.

If you can make a woman laugh,

you can make her do anything.

– Marilyn Monroe

Your Everlasting Support. She is a woman before your wife. When she wants to learn something new or needs to expend money for herself, cooperate her. When she faces a failure because of her own decisions, she has already spoken to herself deep inside about it and felt remorse. She has made a note of being careful thereafter to avoid any losses. When she is brave enough to tell you about the failed outcome of her decision, she doesn’t need to hear how careless, absent-minded, or illogical she is. She needs you to just listen to her and understand her viewpoint; as any of her woman friends would do.

Trust. I understand it is important for you men too. Everyone of us like to be with a partner who does not lie, however hard the things may be. For a woman trust is a critical factor that directly rules her level of intimacy with you. Trust is vital for her for a sound romantic relationship with you.

Loyalty. When she has given you every bit of herself with loyalty and integrity, she has the right to get the same from you. Be loyal to her in not only your actions but also in your thoughts. A true loyal man remains truthful and moral even when his wife is not watching him.

Man-Woman-Loyalty

Though the saying in the picture above has been true since ages because men and women are wired that way (you have exploited enough this brain-wiring-thing of yours when it comes to having wandering eyes ;D)today’s woman is seen changing a part of wiring in her brain. She is not ready to play a victim if you are disloyal because she knows that infidelity comes by choice. She stands alone and walks out of the wedlock if you compromise your fidelity towards her.

Equality. Men and women have different roles and they have absolutely the same rights. She knows she is no less than you when it comes to her rights. The moment a man and his woman share intimacy, they become equal. Hence she finds you funny when you say, you are letting her do this or that.. 🙂 Treat her equal, value her being. Don’t rule out her expression. What goes fine for you is also good for her and what goes unacceptable for her is also unacceptable for you: keep no double standards.

Respect. She needs you to value her opinions and not manipulate, dismiss, or overpower them. Valuing her opinion doesn’t mean you have to blindly follow only what she says. A balanced and sensible woman is open to discuss. In addition, she needs you to understand what she does for the family in all the small and large ways, and she needs you to respect her efforts and emotions. When your woman is giving you something that deserves respect, why deprive her of it?

Goodness and Gentleness. She needs you to be a matured and a gentle person, who actually behaves as one. She wants you to be respectful towards other women. A true gentleman never passes nasty remarks on women. A true gentleman treats his wife in a way that makes other women envy his wife; not the other way round. 😀

A Good Man - Anastasia Netri Quotes

The Freedom to Decide. Now this is important. You can say, this is the mother of all answers at once to what women want. 😀 Here I remember a medieval story – Sir Gawain and A Loathly Lady.

The story goes like this:

Once King Arthur’s knight Sir Gawain committed an unforgivable mistake. Hence the King ordered him to go into exile and bring an answer to the question: what exactly do women want? The King assured to spare his life if he brought a reasonable answer in a year or he would behead Gawain otherwise. Gawain obeyed the King’s order and went on the quest to find the correct answer. On his way he asked almost every woman he met: what does she want to be happy? One woman said a lot of money, the other said a strong man, and some others said big house, children, gold, and gems. Each woman answered differently to add to Gawain’s agony. In a few months he was frustrated. An year had almost come to end when an ugly, old witch saw him sitting under a tree engrossed in thoughts. She offered him to listen to the correct answer to this question on a condition that he must marry her and stay committed to her for all his life. Sir Gawain submitted to her condition and married her to save his own life. They got married and the loathly woman told him the most awaited answer, “Women need equality in their marriage to be happy.” 😀 She assured him that the king would be certainly satisfied with that answer.

gawain_and_ragnell_by_sigune_d1uaffn-350t

Sir Gawain and Ragnell: Singune, an artist from Belgium drew this beautiful picture. You can find his work at:  https://www.deviantart.com/sigune

The knight was then peaceful but still gloomy. On their wedding night, the witch asked the knight that why was he unhappy even on getting the right answer? The knight answered that he was unhappy because though his life was saved but he had never thought that he would have to spend his life with an ugly old wife. The witch then thought for a moment. She smiled and said, “You kept your word of marrying me hence I wish to grant you a boon. You can have me ugly during day and beautiful during night OR you can have me young and beautiful during day, and ugly during night. What do you want me to be?” Gawain, still left with some humanity in him lets his wife decide for herself. Surprisingly, the witch chooses to be a young and attractive wife during day and night; forever. Being a woman, I can tell why: she must have felt an immense need for herself to give him the best of her because he had respected her right to chose her own way… 🙂

In a nutshell, all women need sovereignty to decide for themselves.

You don’t need to be a macho man flaunting a three-pack-abs, or aggressive, overbearing, adamant, insecure, controlling, confused, brute, or an alpha man. She needs you to be a gentle and genuine person wearing a real face with whom she can be herself.

Flowers, chocolates, hugs, care, love, admiration, romance, open one-to-one communication, eye contact, attention, affection, trustworthiness, loyalty, compassion, kindness, safety, security, good surprises, efforts, support, honesty, loyalty, ability to read her unspoken messages between the lines, emotional connection… This all is what a woman wants from you. But above all; she definitely needs the right to decide for herself. Do not take it away from her; she was born with it.

Please give it a thought: God gave you both the same rights but she cannot have equal right of decision with a man when she is his young daughter. She cannot practice equal right of decision with a man if she is his old dependent mother. She can practice equal rights with a man only when she is with her partner; because she shares a romantic bond with him that brings two of them on the same ground.

By all means, providing these all tangible and intangible things is a bit of hard work for some of you; but then the pay off is handsome if you do. 😀

I hope you received the answer.

Sincerely.

PS. I have tried to throw light on this out of my real-life keen observations from all around. I am neither a gender-biased person nor I have anything against you as you have been a notable part of my personal as well as professional growth. The secret is, when a woman with high moral sense and integrity is set free, she actually gets tied to her family more immensely than before. Sadly, majority of men don’t understand this and they become control freak. (In contrast, if a woman sets her man free, it’s the opposite. :D)

I should park here for not to make the PS as long as another blog post 😀

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Namibia: The Haunting Country

Travelling back to my homeland.

Though I have seen and went through numerous good-byes in my life after being a part of Indian Army; I find it totally different this time.

Every time our new posting comes, we pack the stuff and shift to a different place. Initially for few days it is hard for me to adjust to the new place. I tend to see only the rough part of the life and honestly, at times feel little agitated if the residential accommodation or weather at the new place are not fine.

After spending some time there I start getting used to it. I start liking the weather and knowing the people and the place around. I start enjoying everything about the place. The new place starts becoming old for me and then while I am deeply into the moments, again the time comes to take leave from that place and move to a yet another different place. It becomes difficult to untangle all the invested emotions then. 😔

The sad part is, there is no choice but to leave. It is inevitable.

The best part is, I get to see different places, people, cultures, and make friends. As we all know, both the sad and the good parts of our lives help us to grow :).

Unlike before, this time my heart is full of sweet pain yet contentment. I visited various places in this beautiful country. I saw scenic landscapes, deep-blue skies, starry nights, colorful birds, unparalleled fauna, and most importantly; I met warm-hearted people and made new friends. 🙂 I am taking with me a stash of memories and fond associations.

The other day I met David in the morning and Betsy in the evening on the same day. They both said that in Namibia, you cry thrice: Once when you arrive, once while living there, and the third time; when you go.

In my experience, it’s true. When I came to Namibia, I cribbed about weather, dryness, scroching Sun with very high UV, and less socialization. But when I went around various places in this beautiful country, its rustic beauty started seeping in my mind and I didn’t come to know this, till the time I left that wonderful piece of mother earth.

Namibia haunts. 🙂

Even when I have left it, it is not leaving me.

In my own experience, the scariest thing of life is realizing that once you know something, you cannot un-know it.

Happiness at the Shop

At times we find happiness at unexpected times, with unexpected people, and at unplanned places. Yesterday I found it at a shop. After going through a busy day and doing a couple of henna tattoos later, me, my husband, and my son Nishant went to Hungry Lion to get some chicken and chips. We placed our take away order at the counter and waited for it at the tables. It was late night around 8:30 p.m. (yes you read correct; late night because the winter is settling here in Windhoek and short of this time, the entire city slows down into silence as if it is a Martian place) and the all-day busy Independence Avenue had turned quiet. It was one and a half hour over our usual dinner time. Our tummies were rumbling hard and every minute of waiting seemed to us like lifetime… 😥

While we were holding back our recurring yawns, I saw a car being parked in front of the shop. Shortly, a family of an old couple and a bright-eyed toddler boy with mischievous and playful expressions got down. He seemed their grandchild. The moment he got down, he posed like a warrior and looked around as if he wanted to get noticed. 😉 I could not hold back my smile. He came to know that I had noticed him and to my surprise he happily reciprocated to me. They all walked in to the shop.

Toddler

While the seniors were busy browsing the menu card, the boy went behind the table where I was sitting. I curiously turned around and in a splash of a second he sat down to hide. I could make out, he wanted to play. I could see his hazel-brown hair but he strongly seemed to believe that he was not visible to me. 😀 Then I pretended as if I was looking for him but somehow being unable to spot him. He duck-walked to the neighboring table and spontaneously revealed himself from there. We exchanged smiles… I turned back again to let him hide. From the corner of my eyes I noticed that he again duck-walked to a different nearby table and waited for me to find him out. I pretended to spot him after multiple attempts and the game went on. Every time he emerged out with a wider smile, his few milk-teeth would shine. Our game of Hide-and-Seek continued secretly for a few rounds to turn his smile into non-stop giggles and bright eyes into the twinkling ones. His grandma noticed that the apple of her eyes was playing with me and smiled silently. My boys were busy talking on the phone and checking our order status.

I guess what the seniors had ordered was already ready, so they received their take away order earlier than us. While they took it and headed towards exit, the little fellow joined them. He waved his hand at me; this time jointly with his grandmother. Throughout our game we exchanged only unspoken language and smiles. We did not speak even a single word to each other…It was so unplanned and short, yet so amazing!

A small child, whom I did not even know before we met, played with me. He dragged me into his little happy world for some time and delivered smiles. I paid for our order but what the little boy gave was unexpected, and indeed priceless. 🙂

About Happinessmocktail…

You must be wondering why I named my blog, ‘happinessmocktail’?

Well, as we all know, a mocktail is a blend of various beverages, juices, and other taste and look enhancing ingredients; so is our happiness!

Each day offers a unique flavor of happiness in the simplest things. 🙂 May it be a bright morning, a pat on the back or a laughter on a silly mistake, meeting a faraway friend or making a new one, receiving a divine smile from a baby or heartfelt blessings from an elder, learning something new or vanquishing a shortcoming, getting a long-dreamt art piece at a reasonable price, or simply a well-turned-out coffee shared with beloved on a winter morning…the list would be virtually endless…

These ingredients contribute to my happiness; and I think yours too. They cheer and freshen us just as a mocktail would do. 🙂 They are present around us, within our reach; always…We can find them only if we search for and acknowledge them.

Happinessmocktail is my endeavor to find out such ingredients from routine and share with you. Also it is an effort to groom the perspective of looking at life simply and happily. Hope this reveals the idea behind my blog name. 🙂

Welcome to happinessmocktail!

Hello friends! 🙂

This is my first blog post. Just some time back I created the blog and I kept trying to find a good name for this baby. I was desperately searching for a meaningful and crisp blog name only to find out that whatever I thought was ‘The best’ had already been taken.

The anxiety of this long-time name search has now dropped down to almost zero as I can feel, I am gradually submitting myself to the Goddess of sleep.

Oh, why did I chose the name ‘happinessmocktail’? The answer for this question is going to be from the bottom of my heart, but more on this little later. Yes, for sure.

There are a lot of things I wish to find out about customizing the blog and sharing my ideas, opinions, and experiences for which I can’t wait… 🙂 Taking your leave now, see you soon!